Winding Down
Another
sad appointment yesterday. To start, we had to wait two hours past our
scheduled time (!). I think it's because another family was meeting with
the full team of doctors. I can't imagine having their job and having
to give this kind of news to families all day.
Only good news:
my body is still handling this pregnancy well. No issues with blood
pressure, proteins, or swelling. Aubree is a different issue. Her heart
rate is declining more at each appointment. It was down to 37 today. Her
body is retaining more fluid. I can't even bring myself to upload the
pictures that we got - her poor face was so swollen. She's still moving
around but her movements are slowing down as well.
I am
starting to have a lot of anxiety about the unknown future. I've pretty
well come to terms with the fact that she won't be coming home with us.
But not knowing how much time we have left has me on-edge. As someone
who takes comfort in planning and preparing, not being able to do that
is very difficult.
http://stillstandingmag.com/2013/06/why-you-didnt-fail-as-a-mother/
ReplyDeleteThis was posted by a mom who didn't bring her child home from the hospital but nurtured her as long as she could. You may want to read it now or wait. My heart goes out to you and your family
ReplyDeleteI can't help but read your posts and pray for you and Aubree. I know what it feels like to be huge and full of fluid and feel my baby move despite what the doctors say that she will not survive pastbirth or even through it due to her condition and then the unknown of when it will all come to an end and how the outcome will be. I had to let go and accept that she might not live but I also had a bit of hope as long as she was still alive. God is a God of miracles and He can. Mark 9:22-24 is a scripture my husband meditated on. So I pray for Aubree's heart to beat on. She sounds like she is fading fast and it breaks my heart. I pray for your days and that the Lord is with you every step of the way. Love a stranger who understands and prays for you - Mari
ReplyDeleteThank you, Mari. I just read your story. What an amazing miracle!! We are hoping and praying for a miracle for Aubree too. But we know that God is still faithful even if he says no.
DeleteMy good friend lost her daughter due to a chromosomal abnormality. She writes about it in her blog, she talks about the greif, she is an amazing woman. Her blog is http://www.stillplayingschool.com/ . I Know she said she took some comfort in connecting with others who have had/going through the same type of feelings.
ReplyDeleteI pray for you and for Aubree, and your family.