Two days after we had Aubree, we had to make arrangements for her with the funeral home. The hospital had given us back all of her clothes before we left and I really wanted to keep the actual outfit that she wore. So I picked out a nice soft pair of pajamas, a sweet matching hat, and a stuffed teddy bear to take to the funeral home. I wanted her to have a comfy outfit to rest in and she needed the bear so she wouldn't be alone. That moment was really hard, handing her outfit over to the funeral director and signing all the paperwork.Yesterday the urn came in, so today I took it up to the funeral home. They transferred her ashes for me and I was able to bring her home.
For now I have placed the urn on our mantle right next to the pumpkin we used for her pregnancy announcement. Sometimes I wish I could rewind life and go back to February or March for just a minute. Back to when I could just enjoy being pregnant and relive the excitement & anticipation of having another baby. I feel like part of my innocence is gone now and I will never be able to look at a pregnancy the same way again. While friends anxiously await the results of their anatomy scans to find out if they are Team Pink or Team Blue, I hold my breath and pray for normal anatomy (heart, brain, lungs, etc).
<3 <3 <3 <3
ReplyDeleteread this a few times and cried each time. The business of saying goodbye makes the pain feel deeper and more intense many times. No one wishes more than I do that this was not the way it would be for you. Aching for and with you and wishing God would transfer your pain to us so that your pain would ease. Understanding grief doesn't make it easier to walk. Walking through it will make it easier to understand but it's not easy at all. This will be the hardest walk you walk for a long time. Breaks my heart to watch. I know how much you love her. Praying that the days are bearable and grateful that they are no longer than 24 hrs. at a time. Love You and Michael, Aly and Aubree madly.
ReplyDeleteI went on vacation and came back to your sad news about Aubree. I don't usually comment but I have to extend my heartfelt sympathies for you all as you go through this time. Parents having to bury their children just shouldn't happen.....but it does.
ReplyDeleteKeeping you all in my prayers for comfort and understanding.