Emotional week

We had our little girl 10 days ago. We said goodbye 10 days ago. I have to keep reminding myself that it's so recent, because it feels like it was a lifetime ago. While I am generally feeling better physically, my body quickly reminded me that I did just go through giving birth last week and re-painting my room probably wasn't the best idea right now. Oh well, I love the nice, new, refreshing space. I needed some kind of change.

And this week, all I've seen on FB were posts about little ones going off to kindergarten. I should have had a little one going off to kindergarten too. My first pregnancy loss was early in 2008. I should have had a 5-yr old. I should be buying back to school supplies. I should be going to meet teachers, and packing a backpack and picking out special outfits in anticipation of that first day.

Instead I feel like I am missing out on a lot of life right now. Seeing life through the eyes of an excited little kid. Rocking a newborn in the middle of the night. Thankfully I have a 2-yr old that is keeping me busy :) But I hate that I feel like she is missing out on getting to know her siblings. I hate that I am missing out on getting to know them.

This morning I was uploading the last CD of pictures we have of Aubree. The ultrasound we had just days before she passed. Her poor face was so swollen. Aly came over to ask what I was doing, and saw the pictures. "That's Baby Aubree!!" she said, so excited to see her sister. So I pulled her into my lap and we looked through all of the pictures. "Awww, look at Baby Aubree!" "Pretty baby!!" She had so much fun looking at her sister. It was the first time she has mentioned her since she had told me that she was gone.