Unglued

I went to a Bible study tonight with some ladies from church. The curriculum is based on the book "Unglued" by Lysa TerKurst. "Making wise choices in the midst of raw emotions." Those who know me well know that I am not an outwardly emotional person. I rarely cry, even in private. And I rarely get super upset. I am not even very outwardly happy when good things happen. Most of the time I maintain a pretty steady composure. So a Bible study on how to handle emotions didn't really seem like my thing. But I needed some girl time and I figured there's always something to learn, so I signed up to go.

I honestly didn't have a lot to relate with as I read the first lesson in the study. I am not one to blow up at my husband or my kid if I am mad. I tend to retreat somewhere to calm down, think through my reactions, and then deal with the underlying issue if there is one or get on with life if there isn't. I didn't think I would have much in common with the other ladies in the study either since we all seem to be in pretty different places in life. Still, we had a nice time talking this evening and I left feeling happy that I had gone.

But as I drove home and thought about our conversations and our lesson, I was struck with one big revelation:  

I am a horribly selfish person

This last week I've been dealing with an issue of someone hurting my feelings. Someone hurt MY feelings. See that, it's all about ME. Oh, I've not thrown a tantrum or blown up over it or stormed off to confront the person to work out the issue. But the feelings in my heart were still the same even if my outward actions were kept under control. I perceived someone's actions as being inconsiderate to my current situation in life. They inconvenienced ME. And now MY feelings were hurt, and I was upset about it.

ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!!

One thing I've come to realize over the past few years is that most people are thinking about themselves. It's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just the way people work. I don't think that people set out to intentionally hurt others (well, sometimes this happens, but that's another issue). No, what I believe happens most of the time is that people are just thinking about what they need and what they want. Just like I am. This person that hurt my feelings was focused on their own needs and not looking out for mine. And that's ok!! Because I am not the center of the universe!!! They didn't intentionally hurt me. I am the one that felt hurt when I was focusing on MY needs and not realizing that this person also has their own needs that have nothing at all to do with me. In this case, feeling hurt was completely MY issue to deal with! My bad attitude, my resentment, my mean thoughts.

Wow. That was quite a lesson there.

But there was still another one.

The ladies at this Bible study are not necessarily my regular group of friends. Not that they aren't wonderful people, I just didn't think we had much in common and we are in different places in life. How can someone who doesn't have kids relate to where I am right now with facing the potential loss of my daughter? How can girls still in college relate to someone who's trying to juggle working full time, parenting, and just all the stress of life? How can someone who is a SAHM relate to the balancing act of working outside the home and still having to take care of everything at home when I get back?

Yep. You guessed it. Another example of how I am selfish.

I was ready to disregard these ladies' stories because they didn't measure up to mine or I couldn't really relate to them. Until I heard a little voice in my head saying, "Just who the hell do you think you are?*" Who am I to say that someone's life experiences are somehow less than my own? Someone may not have experienced the same pain I have, but they have still experienced pain at some point. Someone may not have had all the different life experiences I have, but they have had their own set of experiences and insights they can share. Who am I to judge how "bad" or "hard" or "sad" or "easy" someone's life has been? Just because things are different does not make them superior or inferior. Ouch.

If I can let go of the focus on myself, then I can see that we have a great group of ladies here who all have something very special in common. We all share the same faith. I can learn a lot from these other people if I just stop worrying about what's in it for me.


*My mom may be the only one who gets that line. My sister once said this to my dad when she was only 3. Not funny at the time, but definitely a funny story now ;) Funny how God brings things up and uses them to help teach you a lesson about something else altogether!