The Season of Advent

This year, the celebration of Advent has really hit me hard. The anticipation of Christ's birth. The promise of hope and redemption for all.

2013 started out with such hope and anticipation for me. We were consciously trying to have another baby. I was counting days and tracking signs. The last few days in January I was taking a test twice a day because I just KNEW that this was our month. And that first day of February those two pink lines answered back. The hope, the excitement, the anticipation of meeting this little person. A little pink heart was placed on the calendar on her due date. How appropriate.

As the weeks went on I would read up on fetal development. Hey, our baby has ten fingers & ten toes! Oh, look, we just grew ears today! We talked about baby names, made plans on how to fit two kids in our little house, and talked to Aly about the tiny baby in Mommy's tummy. That anticipation and hope soon turned to heartbreak and worry as we learned at the beginning of May that our little one would not be with us long.

And in August Aubree was born. Born into a silent delivery room. There were no cheers and no crying baby. Just silence, tears, and hugs as we spent a very few moments with out little girl before having to give her back. We went home empty handed and feeling broken. I feel that this is what God refers to in Genesis when he says that part of the curse of sin is that pain will be increased with childbirth. The physical pain of birth is no picnic, but most women do recover and some even go on to choose to do it again. Ha! But to have to endure that physical pain along with the death of your child is beyond imaginable. To be honest, the depiction of the birth of Christ as a silent event is a horrifying thought to me now.

It has been hard for me this year with the focus of Christmas obviously being about the birth of Jesus. The most joyous event ever. I am having a hard time seeing pregnant women or babies as my arms and my heart ache to hold my daughter. But I have been so struck by the story of Mary. I feel like I see her in a completely different light. I imagine the joy and anticipation she must have felt when she learned that she was going to have a baby. And not just any baby. She was going to be the one to give birth to the Messiah. The one who was coming to fulfill the promise of hope and redemption for everyone. And how her anticipation must have turned to heartbreak as she realized that in order for the world to be redeemed, her son was going to die.

However, it's not his birth that gives us hope. And it's not his death that gives us peace. It's the story of his resurrection. Jesus didn't come to die for the sins of the world and to stay dead. Jesus came to conquer death. Our hope is in the resurrection and the promise that this world is not all we have.

I won't lie, I am sad that Aubree is not here to sit in her bouncy seat and look at the tree all googly-eyed. Or to stare on as Aly "helps" to open presents for everyone. Or to snuggle up on the couch after a morning of busyness and nap the afternoon away. But she is getting to celebrate Jesus' birthday with the King himself! Can you imagine what the celebration must be like in Heaven?

And for Aly, I am having such a hard time reigning in the presents. She's at that age where the things that she enjoys are still so cheap! Crayons, markers, finger paints, new coloring books. They will keep her entertained for hours and only cost me a few dollars. And yet I am constantly reminded of Luke 11:13 as I shop for her, "If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"